


one reason

by reylofics



Category: BROCKHAMPTON (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Secret Relationship, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 16:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16876224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: trigger warnings for discussion of suicide!!!helmet boy doesn’t know how to deal with the aftermath of summer’s suicide.





	one reason

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i’m going to make up the majority of brockhampton fics with the amount of stories that i’ve been writing lately for this fandom ...obsession or dedication? 
> 
> (velvet light by jakob ogawa...a lyrical masterpiece)

It doesn’t feel real. Nothing feels real anymore. All that Helmet Boy can do to stop himself from falling apart is ignore the stares that everyone at school is giving him. Not only is Summer not here to face the wrath of the grossly homophobic community, but all of his friends look at him like they’re going to catch a disease now.

“It’s nothing personal,” Helmet Boy recalls one of his friends saying to him while the rest of his friends nodded in agreement. “We’re all in support of, like, your decision to be gay or whatever. But maybe it would be good for you to take a break from us, what with your...friend dying and all.”

Evidently, Helmet Boy wasn’t stupid enough to not recognize the stutter in his friend’s voice before he finally settled on calling Summer his friend instead of his boyfriend. Just the mere mention of him set off a firework in his heart that was threatening to tear him apart. The way that everyone said Summer’s name nowadays struck Helmet Boy’s heart and cut it in two. No one would ever know Summer LaBeouf like Helmet Boy did.

Of course, Helmet Boy wasn’t immune to the fact that everyone else wanted to pretend that they knew him. Today was his funeral and Helmet Boy was probably the only one in the town who wasn’t attending. For him, he felt that attending the funeral would be impersonal, surrounded by everyone else. Helmet Boy would surely visit the grave on his own time but he didn’t want to go just to go. After all, he still wasn’t done processing the death of his first love.

It had been only a week and a half since Summer’s unfortunate suicide. If the funeral had been up to him, Helmet Boy wouldn’t have even started planning it until weeks later. In his opinion, the whole thing felt rushed. Though, Summer’s parents would probably hate him more than they already did if he told them that. Of course, it wasn’t like Summer’s parents actively expressed their dislike for their son’s former boyfriend. While they didn’t exactly share a happy opinion about Summer’s relationship with another teenage boy, they, for the most part, left Helmet Boy alone. At least they were civil enough to leave Helmet Boy to grieve on his own time.

Apparently, it seemed that Summer’s parents were also civil enough to keep their spare key in the same spot under the doormat that they always kept it.

Gingerly, Helmet Boy picks up the doormat and fishes for the key underneath. It doesn’t take much for the key to warmly press into the palm of his mind. Even touching the spare house key brings back memories that Helmet Boy wants so desperately to keep locked away. He remembers being here a few weeks ago. He remembers going through the same action of fishing for the key and handing it to Summer, who unlocked the door and brought them both inside to his room after checking to see that his parents weren’t home.

As he turns the doorknob with the key, Helmet Boy realizes that his breathing has suddenly become shallow and rapid with the memory. He feels his pulse on his wrist and tries to take deep breaths that will slow his heart rate down. For a minute, he stands there until he feels that his pulse is slowing down to a normal steady pace. When his heartbeat resumes normally, Helmet Boy cruises through the house like an expert until he reaches the doorway of the one place that he feels will give him closure. Summer’s room.

The room is closed tightly shut. When Helmet Boy reaches out to touch the doorknob, his hand goes frozen for a second. It’s almost like he’s trying to convince himself not to go in.

Then Helmet Boy’s hand miraculously turns with the doorknob. He can hear the hinges on the door creaking loudly, an action that insinuates that Summer’s room hasn’t been visited since his death. As the door swings open, Helmet Boy can see that everything has been kept the same. At least he has one thing he finally respects Summer’s parents for.

Everything, from the football jerseys and sports camp trophies on the wall, has been left exactly how it was the last time that Helmet Boy was here. Fondly and a bit woefully, Helmet Boy smiles at the trophies that Summer used to giddily show him every time that he came into his room. Helmet Boy remembers always watching his boyfriend in amused excitement. At the memory, Helmet Boy bravely steps in.

Right away, it’s almost like Summer is there with him, holding his hand. Helmet Boy can detect the faint scent of sweaty gym socks and vanilla, a smell that didn’t seem to fit anyone other than Summer LaBeouf. Really, Helmet Boy doesn’t know where to go first. There’s so many memories that he has with Summer in this room. Memories of stolen kisses by the windowsill, ironically having to hide in the closet when Summer’s parents inexplicably came home early and sleeping with him on nights where his parents left Summer home alone flood his mind all at once.

Out of pure desperation, Helmet Boy’s mind suddenly diverts to the note and the desk. Impulsively, his eyes scan the room until he sees the small wooden desk in the corner of the room that Summer rarely used. There’s a blue spiral notebook on the desk. It’s open and on the right hand side, a piece of paper has been clearly ripped out.

Helmet Boy begins to imagine what it must have been like for Summer. He still doesn’t exactly know what happened but it hurts him to think of how frantic he must have been, tearing that piece of paper out to write the note that would later only be shown to a few people in the town. Oddly enough, the only reason that Helmet Boy was shown the note was because he made up the most important part of it. The part that would later be whispered about and speculated about among town.

Summer LaBeouf wrote down all the reasons to take his life on the front side of the paper in pencil and on the back side of the paper, he wrote down his one reason to live in black ink. 

Helmet Boy, my first love.

Helmet Boy, in a way that is special to him and him alone, has found his own sort of closure in Summer LaBeouf’s room when he whispers, “You were mine, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos and comment or you’re a fake (and go read my ‘freckles’ fic ahhh!)


End file.
